Reflections...

 ... a constant reminder of our pasts, a reality of our present, and perhaps a glimpse into our future. Much like a photo can bring back a flash in time, create an instant and lasting memory, our reflections are a portrait of our lives

As I sit here, in a small quaint coffee shop, in a far different setting of sweaters, hats, boots, and scarves, I catch a glimpse of my blurred reflection interrupted by the cursive lettering of Bella Caffe. As I gaze out the window at the hunter's widows scurrying from door to door, I can't help but get swept up in my blur. A blur that takes me back to my last entry, where I sat in a coffee shop, ocean side, with salty ocean hair and sand stained skin. As the ocean breeze tousled my hair, the sound of the waves coupled with softness of the wind gave me goose bumps much like the crisp breeze is doing to me now.  The acoustic music coupled with the aroma of Twin Cities coffee takes me back to the moment when I knew it was time for me to go home.  A moment that I will forever remember as I took my last sip of Kona coffee. A moment where I knew my life as a gypsy was coming to an end. As an entire new life was about to begin...whether I fully understood that at the time or not.

Reflections...

It has been nearly 6 months since I have been back on the Mainland and what a 6 months it has been. (I have not written since Hawaii as I found myself to be in a state of shock, uninspired, and just plain lost) I still remember getting off the airplane and seeing my Mom drive up. Goosebumps of being home. Seeing a familiar face. Receiving a loving hug. A feeling we all crave. We all need. After getting re-acquainted with the family, it was time to rekindle my relationship with Fargo. A place I always said I would move back to, a place I have referred to as home. Yet a place I found myself scared to go back to. Funny how being on the road, moving every 3 months, and knowing no one did not scare me nearly as much as returning back to a place where I once called home. Strange? I know. But I knew life was not going to be the same as when I left, as everyone's life had moved on, changed, grew in different ways than my own. We were no longer college graduates in the pursuit of landing our dream job. Instead, my friends are now wives, mothers, care givers. I found myself to be a jumbled up ball of nerves, much how I felt in the Los Angeles airport the day I left for Hawaii. Scared. Confused. Waiting. Wondering. Anticipating.

 I remember vividly as a kid my Grandparents saying under their breath, "Where on Earth does the time go? I can't believe it's almost Summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter..." I used to think they were crazy as I found time to just tic by. However, the older I get, the more I agree. Yet another aspect of life our parents were "right" about. I just spent two and a half years on the road, traveling from city to city, job to job, apartment to apartment. Two and a half Years!! Don't get me wrong, There were times where the three months felt like weeks, whereas other times it felt like years. While I was lost and enjoying life in my little bubble, I felt as if time stood still. As there is something about an adventure that keeps a person youthful, spirited, and alive. Meeting new people, exploring different areas, trying unique food,  experiencing other cultures, starting a new job...all extremely addicting. Much like a smoker craves nicotine, an alcoholic craves a drink, I crave adventure and freedom. I have often been called a "gypsy". A term that I once took offense to. A term that I now own and am proud of. As I've met countless people who tell me that I have changed and touched their lives in ways I will never truly understand. I've found, I like that. I crave that. And need that. "A gypsy soul"... now makes me smile and day dream and wonder if I will find that same addiction back "home."

Back to reality...

As it turns out, time did not stand still. My sun-kissed highlites are actually silver hairs, my temporary squint in reality are fine wrinkles, and my once flexible body seems to be a bit stiff and rigid. Funny how when you are surrounded by people who are in the same chapter of life as yourself, we tend to overlook the changes taking place around us. It wasn't until I moved back to the Midwest did I suddenly feel 33. As it turns out, everyone and everything thing around me has grown older and wiser. My baby sister is now a wife and Mother to be, My older sister became a mom for the second time, my grandma turned 90, my puppy is no longer a puppy, even the house where I grew up seems older, creakier, almost vintage. Suddenly my carefree life no longer seems so carefree. Instantly, I feel old, claustrophobic.

But as life on the Mainland tends to be, I did not even have time to acknowledge my thoughts. I hardly had enough time to unpack before I packed my life back up and moved to Fargo to start my travel assignment. Shortly thereafter, I was brought to tears while watching my sister marry the love of her life in Custer, SD:

and then just a few weeks later, be a part of Miss Tara's wedding:

...Where I found myself. Waiting. Wondering. Anticipating...when is it going to be my turn? After all, I've been blessed to be in so many weddings, I have a dress in every color of the rainbow, except for one...the most important one. The one that's supposed to mean forever. Last forever. Lost in thought, I found myself trying not to blink as I felt my eyes welling up with tears. Tears of happiness. Tears of sadness. Tears of the unknown. Waiting. Wondering. And still anticipating.

Then a quick trip on the 4th of July to visit my cousin, Jennifer, and the lovely city of Boston. I must say, I was quite taken from the very beginning. I hope to visit again soon.

Next came my Sweet Grandma's 90th birthday party. A 2 day event as it should be for such a special lady.

Reflections...

As much as I wanted to stay on my never ending carnival ride, it was time to hang it up. Call it quits. Open a new door..

A door that opens to... my very own house. Yes, if there is one quality I gained as a travel nurse it is to jump into life head first. Why rent when I can own? To be quite honest, I never imagined in a million years I would be buying a house by myself. I guess I always envisioned doing it with my husband. A happy yet eye opening experience. Having said that, my offer was accepted on my 33rd birthday and I was able to celebrate with my parents and cousin, Josh at the Hodo. A feeling I won't soon forget. Goosebumps. Butterflies. Tears of happiness. Tears of sadness. Tears of the unknown. But a decision I won't ever regret as I simply now have a place to call home. A place to call mine. An expression of me, of who I am, and about who I plan to become.

Now I do not want to paint a picture that I was all put together and knew the first thing about buying a house.  To be quite honest, I knew as much about buying a house as I do about reading a map...absolutely NOTHING. However, I did have 3 "musts" and rules I made with my realtor upon meeting him at 'hello'. (Bless his heart) Number 1: I wanted something unique, different...maybe even a bit quirky like me. Secondly, it had to be affordable. And lastly: it must be an easy re-sell. Check. Check. and Check...I hope!

After looking at what seemed to be the same cookie cutter bi-level over and over (not a fan) I finally came across a place that felt like me. After almost driving my realtor to retirement, I purchased a 3 level condo loft. Don't get me wrong, it was not love at first sight, as the previous owner was a bachelor and the decor was that of a bachelor pad. Imagine: White walls, boxy furniture, weight room, solid colored everything, little decor. Then combine that with my vision: empty canvas, empty rooms, no dishes, no couches, no beds, no nothing! I basically let my imagination run wild. After much time spent on picking out paint colors (Thanks Quinn), endlessly shopping for furniture (thank you to ALL the sales people who put up with my indecisiveness), I now have a place I have absolutely fallen in love with. I've made a promise to myself to not overspend, over buy, or over do anything. As my subconscious always reminds me how happy I was in Hawaii with just the basics. And I plan to keep my house simple yet full of life.

Of course, I did come across a few bumps in my road as I took on the title of "homeowner." I swear it's an unwritten rule or some initiation process that we don't know about. But EVERY new homeowner always goes through some type of drama. Well mine consisted of this: A furnace that went out 12 days after moving in, a hole knocked in my freshly, professionally painted wall by the furniture movers, plugged drains, stained carpets, and my my personal favorite: I spent my first night in a vacant house with wine, pizza corner, 2 sleeping bags, and dixie cups.(the first time I questioned my life donation to Good Will) A great way to spend a first night in my new home. A moment I will never forget. A moment so perfect you don't want it to end. So naturally I took a picture so it wouldn't end. Isn't that what they are for?

Reflections...

So as I sit here in my place, with fireplace lit and candles aglow, I can't help but reflect. Reflect on the life I have grown to know as a nomad. Reflect on the impulse decision to fulfill my dream and become a homeowner. Reflect on how blessed I am to have such a great family and to be close to them. Reflect on how I miss my travel lifestyle and all the amazing people I met. Reflect on how happy I was while living life so simply. Reflect on how I ecstatic I am that my days at the local laundromat are over (Washer and dryer are to be delivered this weekend). And as I come to what should be my last pair of socks to fold, I come up one short. I swear no matter how many times I make sure all my socks enter the wash, I always end up one short of a pair. Even though we never know what really happens to that sock or even miss it for that matter, it's still frustrating not have an even pair at the end of laundry day. Kind of like life sometimes. As I sit here in my warm, inviting house, feeling super blessed, I can't help feel like a part of me is missing... and that part of me involves a suitcase, passport, and friends I've yet to meet.

Maybe some of us aren't meant to have the white wedding, twin home, or permanent job...but rather, are meant to be a free spirit, leave our mark on this world, and imprints on people's hearts.

Stuck somewhere between a gypsy and a significant other, an Auntie and a Bachelorette, my dreams abroad, and my heart at home, I am lost in thought as I stare at my reflection in the mirror and am reminded of my past, my present, and perhaps my future. Waiting. Wondering. Anticipating. What's next?

Tonight: Take time to reflect and perfect what it is you want in your life. Maybe you already have it or maybe you need to set sail and go get it. A secret only you and the mirror will ever really know.

"You've Been...Island Struck"

"You've been Thunderstruuuckk" "THUNDERSTRUUCK!"

During mid run, mid breathe, mid warming up my tone deaf vocals, I found myself once again lost in the moment.  "Thunderstruck!!....." Yep, I guess I really did belt that out louder than anticipated as I noticed a few people giving me the stink eye. Embarrassed? Maybe a little. But, I instantly found myself smiling so big I couldn't help but chuckle out loud. "THUNDERSTRUCK!!...THUNDERSTRUUCKK" soon the stink eye was replaced with a smile of their own.

A song that will forever remind me of home, having bonfires out in the country, and headbanging in the basement of 901 College St in Fargo. Memories I won't soon forget. Funny how a song can instantly spark a memory. Bring a twinkle to an eye. A devilish grin to the most innocent face.

With the sun beating down on my black tank top, my lips tasting of bath and body works minty lip gloss, and my skin feeling like I rolled around in a salt tank after freshly stepping out of the the shower (I swear my sweat here is 99% salt with a hint of mist) I found myself caught in a trance of admiring the kayak team's morning practice and me pondering my future. " You've been.....ISLANDSTRUCK.....ISLAND STRUUCK!" And with that, the locals laughed with me.

And with that, I found myself pondering about the last four and a half months. The longer I thought, the more "Island Struck" I became. I still have moments where I think I am dreaming. It seriously is that beautiful here. I have gazed at some of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen, frolicked in some of the bluest water I have ever stepped foot in, appreciated some of the most stunning waterfalls I have ever admired, stood atop one of the highest mountains in the world (and coldest!!), listened to some of the most angelic love songs I have ever been mesmermized by, picked some of the most delicate flowers I have ever touched, cherished some of the most graceful hula dancing I have ever seen,  drank some of the best coffee my lips have ever tasted, ate some of the sweetest pineapple my tongue has ever watered for, and best of all--embraced the simplicity of life here. Family trumps all, followed closely by the pride of Mother Nature and the beauty she possesses.

Mauna Kea: 14,000 feet, the highest mountain in the world. And yes, that is snow.

More from Mauna Kea: it was so cold my hands went numb!! Car said 25. With a 40 mph...felt right at home.

I have experienced the sun. The wind. The rain. The SNOW. Earthquakes. Lava. Black sand. White sand. Gold sand. Green sand.

Green Sands

Whales. Dolphins. Turtles.

Camping. Rodeos. Hikes.

Love hikes like this. Beauty. Meaning. Serenity.

I have lived in a 20x20 kennel (yes you can measure this by laying down and estimating.) My friend Carrie and I lined up head to toe-head to toe (x4.5 times) and used our 5'3 statures to estimate just how big my 20x20 would be. To my surprise, it's quite a reliable method of measurement; much how men seem to know the exact length from their pinky finger to their thumb with hand extended. Driven and and now OWN the most cheap, unreliable car I have ever laid eyes on. Not a single gauge works: no gas gauge, speedometer, or odometer. Heck, it didn't even come equipped with a radio. Proud? Absolutely! 1994 Nissan Sentra Baby!!!

"BLUE": All for the same price as a pair of True Religions

Ah, Hawaii. Although, I must admit, after the initial "Island Bliss", I did go through a period where I was looking forward to going home. As with all this beauty does come a few drawbacks. Shopping, restaurants, reliable cars, and isolation immediately come to mind. No Bath and Body Works, no Pizza Corner (this is seriously the longest I have ever gone without one), restaurants, even pizza delivery closes at 8 pm, bars really don't exist, and when Walmart runs out of candles, batteries, Diet Coke....they are just out. End of story. Wait until the next shipment comes in Sista. Temper tantrums need not apply.

My pizza addiction has temporarily been replaced with a burrito fix, my cheese cravings have been replaced with a homemade salsa obsession, my Carribou buzz with a Kona coffee high, and my butterfinger blizzard craze with flavor burst ice cream. Still have the Dove chocolate problem. And a new one: flowers! They are everywhere and i LOVE them. The orchids and plumerias I can't help stare at. Thank God my Middle Sister Red Wine is always in full stock on the shelves. Guess the locals aren't much for red wine. Oh well, more for me!!

Island Struck.

Life as I know it has been simplified. I have only been to the shopping center twice since arriving, once to go Christmas shopping and once to replace my slippers (formerly known as flip-flops in my vocab). I have not seen an entire episode of any TV show: the Bachelor, American Idol, Greys...the News. I have NO idea what's going on in the world and I am actually quite ok with it as I am sure it will still exist upon my return. Automatic what? Automatic nothing. I have transitioned to someone who has to climb in the passenger door, avoid being strangled by the motorized seat belts, just to get in the driver's seat and pray that my car STARTs. I do have a nice padded steering wheel though. The thrill of seeing if my car is going to make it another mile has replaced my American Idol addiction.

Mind you, I have been living out of a suitcase and a half for the last 4 and some odd months (ok, maybe 2.  1 big suitcase and 1 carry-on) I have officially worn every article of clothing I brought 10 times over. Back home, I have been known to change my jeans twice in one day. Pathetic? Maybe. But honest. Funny how I only brought 3 pairs of jeans to Hawaii and have managed just fine. Heck, I could have maybe even gotten by with just 2 pair. 95% of my wardrobe is sitting at home in my closet along with the other 20 pairs of shoes I own. I am sure it would begin to drive me a bit crazy if I let it and really thought about WHERE all my stuff is...but you know what? I can honestly say, I do not miss any of it. A lesson in simplicity I think we should all take note of.

Island Struck. It seems as though I have become quite accustomed to it. I like it. I crave it. I need it. Funny how we all have the opportunity to live like this; yet we choose not to. As the Islands are no different from the mainland. The stress of life still exists. Work, bills, and deadlines coupled with an unreliable car, expensive gas, and no cell reception. One could easily turn into an uptight tourist screaming at the tour guide (witnessed this the other day) yet I feel more at peace than I ever have. Coincidence? I think not. A lesson in perspective I think we could all learn from. Kind of like "Stripped." As I take pride in my car that costs the same as a pair of True Religions, I find myself feeling guilty about my exploding closet at home. Catch me driving my boy "Blue" on the Mainland 6 months ago? Maybe. Today? Without a doubt.

It seems as though my fascination with learning the Spanish language has interfered with my ability to learn some of the Hawaiian language. The main grammar rule is to pronounce all the vowels in the words. Doesn't sound too difficult. Here, you give it a try: we will start simple.

Kinoole (remember, EVERY vowel has a sound)
Kilaueau
Malaaka (Mal-a-auka)
Waianuenue (Why-a-newy-newy)
Kamhameha (Ka-may-a-may-a)
Kalanianaole (still can't say this one right, and I LIVE on this street)

Yep, I still try to use Spanish vowel sounds, roll my tongue, and butcher most words.
Turns out I make it much more difficult than what it needs to be. Kinda like life sometimes.

Another list of words that have come part of my daily lingo:

Auntie/Uncle: This applies to anyone and everyone who appears to be older than you. In the hospital its, "Good morning Uncle. How are you feeling today?" "Hey Auntie, you need anything?"

Papa/Grandma/Tutu: anyone that appears to be elderly. "Papa! Are you soa?"

Soa: Pain

Pau: done. finished. "Grandma. You all pau with breakfast?" "It's 7:15, I'm all pau for the day." (My favorite)

Pupus: free local appetizers at the bar.

Slippers: flip flops. Any form of sandal.

Shi shi: urine.

Dodo: poop.

Piko: means hole. Bellybutton, rectum. I still can't remember which is which, just a piko is a hole in the body and I always hope I am going after the right one!

And of course, Aloha and Mahalo.

Here is a sample list of what I was given in hospital orientation for cultural preparation:

"IslandStruck"  "ISLANDSTRUUUCK!"

Ink. Tattoos. Macademia nuts. Pineapples. Coconuts. Malasadas. Rice. Sausage. Mongooses. Fishing. Surfing. Paddle boards. Slippers. Steinlager. Beach mats. Flowers. Leis. Coffee. Waterfalls. Sand. Sacredness... the faster my mind raced, the faster my asics hit the pavement.

It's all become a huge part of my life. But so is ND. Should I stay? Should I go? While my Asics took a beating from the pavement, my mind continued to race.

What about all my stuff at home?

Sweat dripping in my eyes. Burning. Tears. Tears of happiness. Tears of sadness. Tears of joy. Tears of pain.

As I continued on my run, with the ocean to my right, and a beautiful Japanese garden to my left, I found myself unable to shut off my mind. The further I ran, the more the wheels turned. So much that my mind was and still is a jumbled mess. After all the 'ups' and 'downs' of living in Hawaii, I am beginning to feel like I am at 'home' here. I have finally started to earn some respect at work, developed friendships, and am slowly figuring my way around the Island loop. Absolutely loving the scenery, settling in to the lifestyle, and adapting the cultural differences. Yet, I have days where I miss home more than anything and long for familiarity. I feel a bit bi-polar to say the least.

As my run came to an end, my racing mind was interrupted by a familiar beep. One of a new email with subject line: Fargo, ND. With sweat dripping down my face, my black tank top now being used as a hand towel on my sandpaper complexion I continued to read... "RN travel job opportunity in Fargo, ND." I felt my heart skip-a-beat. A beat so strong I am quite certain I did a double fist pump and donkey kick. Tears of sweat. Tears of joy. Tears of sadness. I reread it to be certain of what I was reading was real. "RN travel opportunity in Fargo, ND...start date around the end of April."

Coincidence??? I think not...but how's a girl to say "Aloha" when she's not ready go?

Caught somewhere between Hawaii and the Mainland, Island Struck and Thunder Struck, my heart is having a Tropical Storm of it's own...

Simplicity combined with perspective. I think this is the way to living a full, complete life. Yet I am confronted with a decision that is far from simple. Looks as though my Asics are going to be put into overdrive for the next few days. Stay tuned...as I have some big decisions to make.

"Uh huh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh uuuhh. Thunder! Uh uh uh uh uh uh, uh uh uuuuhhh. Thunder!!.... You've been thunderstuck!!"

Tonight: Ponder your happiness. Put it in perspective. As I bet it involves the simple things in life: family, friends, road trips, camp fires, afternoon naps.

Shadows...

...their presence are everywhere. Over me. Under me. Beside me. Behind me. In front of me. Upon me. Within me.

Flickering. Quivering. Radiating. Diffusing. Scattering. Flickering on my wall from what little remains of my favorite Twisted Peppermint candle . Quivering behind the tail of the bright green gecko that tries to hide within his larger than life shadow. Diffused on the table in front of my half full wine glass. Scattered under my fingertips and their pitter patter on my keyboard. Radiating within me as my mind wanders. A constant, yet subliminal reminder. Of our past. Our present. And in a chilling way, Our future.

Beyond a Shadow of a doubt. The Shadow of darkness. The Shadows of our past. The Shadow of death.

All give me goosebumps much like a soft breeze does on freshly sunburned skin. Uncomfortable, unpleasant, yet there's no stopping them.  Hiding from them. Running from them.

I had the best of intentions to escape the rain and clouds of Hilo today and make the drive to the other side of the island to enjoy the clear and sunny skies of Kona. However, the festivities of Saturday night cast its shadow on my partner in crime and we opted to stay home and rest for the day. Which I am semi-happy about. As it has been far too long since my last entry.

Instead I sit here, engulfed in the shadow and aroma of relaxation of twisted peppermint air combined with the rain dancing on the roof and a full double rainbow reigning the skies; outshining the darkness of the clouds. Pinch me. As it really is that beautiful...even in the rain.

A quick run down of the events since my last entry. Ah yes, attending Kyani's 1st Birthday party. I was SO grateful to be invited and it was by no means a "let down" It reminded me much of a high school graduation party on the mainland, except with much more food, a live band, lots of adult beverages, a professional photographer, and Hello Kitty merchandise everywhere. Out of respect to the family, I was not able to take many photos, but none-the-less, I did manage to sneak a few in.

One of MANY cakes and desserts.

Party favors on every table as well as suckers with Kyani's picture on them for all to take home. There was even cotton candy with the birthday girl on the wrapper.

My Co-worker's adorable girls.

A famous Hawaiian Band. Now if I could just remember their name.

 It was an experience I won't soon forget. Although, I couldn't help but be reminded of birthdays. As I stared at my reflection beside Hello Kitty in the bathroom mirror, I looked away when I spotted what appeared to be a sparkling silver hair...or was that a sun-kissed highlight? I scurried out of the bathroom with my shadow following close behind before I investigated any further.

Shadows. No stopping them. No hiding from them. No running from them.

Next came a hike to a secluded beach. This has become one of my favorite things to do. Pack a cooler, strap on a backpack filled with lunch for the day, add some great company coupled with even better conversation, and hour long drive followed by an hour long 'workout' (Really hike, but I have somehow managed to convince myself that hike=workout since the gym does not seem to be part of the Hawaiian vocabulary...or mine since entering Island life.) After all, an hour long hike leads to pure beauty. I have come to crave days like this. Who wouldn't pick this over the gym??

With Steinlager in hand, I caught a glimpse of my shadow. A shadow that seems to have grown bigger. Wider. Thicker. Since arriving in the Islands. Feeling guilty between sips, with the sun beaming down, I decided to practice a few of my yoga poses seems how classes just don't seem to exist in the Big Island.

Balance. Breathe. Breathe. Is that a turtle I see in the water?

Focus Lisa. Rocks in my hand. Steinlager affecting my balance. Breathe. Breathe.

I think I got it!

 After almost falling off my mini cliff, I finally achieved a semi-quasi yoga pose. It was quite difficult to stay focused with all the turtles swimming below me. After a mini workout, I was ready to go back to my beach mat.

Yep, pretty sure I scared away all the wild life with my shrill scream. There is nothing about a reptile gently brushing your abs that is appealing. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

But, in no time, I was forced to overcome my shadows and hold Ms Myrtle, the Turtle.

Shadows. No stopping them. No hiding from them. No running from them.

Next on the agenda was an hour drive to a night of camping ocean side. Something a girl from ND thinks about, dreams about. A few pictures in preparation for this.

I had packed as if I was going camping in ND: sweats, long sleeves, gloves, sleeping bags, blankets, toilet paper, flashlights, a cooler packed with beverages. I was certain we were gonna be out in the middle of nowhere in pure darkness surrounded only by the chirping frogs and the blackness of their shadows. Hawaii has made me realize I am scared of the dark. It gets so dark here you can't even see your had in front of your face. And with geckos and frogs creeping around...do you blame me?

Instead, I found myself surrounded by pure beauty. The sun getting ready to settle in the sky, the waves calmly sweeping away the shadows of my fellow campers, the sky looking much like a watercolor painting masterpiece, the smell of hamburgers on the grill, camp fires smoldering, and a complete and utter feeling of tranquility. Maybe it was from the Steinlagers, maybe the yoga, but I think more so from the scene in front of me. Take a look and tell me what you think.

Distracted was an understatement. While I was busy filling up my camera's SCD card, I'm sure Charlie was biting his lip, grumbling about being stuck with all the work. It takes a patient person to take me camping, as I can't read a map, follow directions, or pitch a tent. Basically I am good for conversation and pictures. I'm thinking those that keep taking me along on these road trips must not mind too much...

Tee Hee.

As night fell, the shadows of my past surfaced. I had come prepared to be up all night itching and twitching. All I could remember about my past experiences camping were the bugs attacking me and either sweating to death or freezing to death. It was a pleasant surprise, when none of the above happened. Instead it was the most peaceful setting I have ever been in. Who needed a Pandora when I had the live version of the ocean waves brushing the shore? The moonlight was like a perfect candle in the wind; allowing enough light to see the rolling of the waves, but enough darkness to watch the glowing stars. Enough to see the shadows of the waves leaving the shore.

Shadows. Their presence is everywhere. Flickering. Quivering. Radiating. Diffusing. Scattering.

Again, I had goosebumps. Much like a soft breeze blowing gently on sunburned skin. There's no stopping them. Hiding from them. But this time, they were comfortable. Pleasant. Welcomed.

After a peaceful night of sleep, a grilled breakfast, scanning the shores for sea shells, and packing up, it was on to the City of Refuge.

Must have tested the patience just a tad??

 The City of Refuge. A beautiful walk. A tourist attraction. Worth seeing, but not worth all the hype. Funny how that goes sometimes. Regardless, I am happy we went.

All which finally brings me to my main point: Shadows. Their presence is undeniable. Kind of like fingerprints. They are everywhere. Impossible to escape. The faster you try to run away from them, the closer they cling. We all have them. Funny how they can seem like "skeletons in your closet." Memories we are trying to desperately to escape or hide from until we finally face them. 

However, my time in Hawaii has taught me to view life in a different perspective. A much simpler, slower one at that. Shadows are also what create and sustain life. After all, shadows are what allow many of the flowers in the Islands to grow. They also shield us pale skinned mainlanders from sunburns and wrinkles. They allow plants to grow in the cracks of lava rock. They allow turtles to sunbathe. They create rainbows. They instigate memories.

Shadows... now seem to have a hint of serendipity to them....

However, as I sit here and write this, I am lost in thought about shadows? Can the shadows of our past prevent us from our futures? Can they be so difficult to overcome that we miss the rainbow?

I don't have the answers yet, but I am hoping by the time I leave Hawaii I do. This is yet another time, being alone, on the road, is difficult. I need my girlfriends right now to help me with the shadows of the my past, my present, and my future.

Shadows...

...their presence is everywhere. Over me. Under me. Beside me. Behind me. In front of me. Upon me. Within me.

Flickering. Quivering. Radiating. Diffusing. Scattering. Flickering. On my wall. On my skin. In my mind. In my heart.

All give me goosebumps much like a soft breeze does on freshly sunburned skin. Uncomfortable, unpleasant, yet there's no stopping them.  Hiding from them. Running from them.

Again, I have goosebumps. Much like a soft breeze blowing gently on sunburned skin. There's no stopping them. Hiding from them. Running from them. But this time, they are comfortable. Pleasant. Welcomed.

Tonight: Ponder your shadows. Make them on the wall. And help me figure out mine.

As yours truly.... is lost in the shadows.