Shadows...

...their presence are everywhere. Over me. Under me. Beside me. Behind me. In front of me. Upon me. Within me.

Flickering. Quivering. Radiating. Diffusing. Scattering. Flickering on my wall from what little remains of my favorite Twisted Peppermint candle . Quivering behind the tail of the bright green gecko that tries to hide within his larger than life shadow. Diffused on the table in front of my half full wine glass. Scattered under my fingertips and their pitter patter on my keyboard. Radiating within me as my mind wanders. A constant, yet subliminal reminder. Of our past. Our present. And in a chilling way, Our future.

Beyond a Shadow of a doubt. The Shadow of darkness. The Shadows of our past. The Shadow of death.

All give me goosebumps much like a soft breeze does on freshly sunburned skin. Uncomfortable, unpleasant, yet there's no stopping them.  Hiding from them. Running from them.

I had the best of intentions to escape the rain and clouds of Hilo today and make the drive to the other side of the island to enjoy the clear and sunny skies of Kona. However, the festivities of Saturday night cast its shadow on my partner in crime and we opted to stay home and rest for the day. Which I am semi-happy about. As it has been far too long since my last entry.

Instead I sit here, engulfed in the shadow and aroma of relaxation of twisted peppermint air combined with the rain dancing on the roof and a full double rainbow reigning the skies; outshining the darkness of the clouds. Pinch me. As it really is that beautiful...even in the rain.

A quick run down of the events since my last entry. Ah yes, attending Kyani's 1st Birthday party. I was SO grateful to be invited and it was by no means a "let down" It reminded me much of a high school graduation party on the mainland, except with much more food, a live band, lots of adult beverages, a professional photographer, and Hello Kitty merchandise everywhere. Out of respect to the family, I was not able to take many photos, but none-the-less, I did manage to sneak a few in.

One of MANY cakes and desserts.

Party favors on every table as well as suckers with Kyani's picture on them for all to take home. There was even cotton candy with the birthday girl on the wrapper.

My Co-worker's adorable girls.

A famous Hawaiian Band. Now if I could just remember their name.

 It was an experience I won't soon forget. Although, I couldn't help but be reminded of birthdays. As I stared at my reflection beside Hello Kitty in the bathroom mirror, I looked away when I spotted what appeared to be a sparkling silver hair...or was that a sun-kissed highlight? I scurried out of the bathroom with my shadow following close behind before I investigated any further.

Shadows. No stopping them. No hiding from them. No running from them.

Next came a hike to a secluded beach. This has become one of my favorite things to do. Pack a cooler, strap on a backpack filled with lunch for the day, add some great company coupled with even better conversation, and hour long drive followed by an hour long 'workout' (Really hike, but I have somehow managed to convince myself that hike=workout since the gym does not seem to be part of the Hawaiian vocabulary...or mine since entering Island life.) After all, an hour long hike leads to pure beauty. I have come to crave days like this. Who wouldn't pick this over the gym??

With Steinlager in hand, I caught a glimpse of my shadow. A shadow that seems to have grown bigger. Wider. Thicker. Since arriving in the Islands. Feeling guilty between sips, with the sun beaming down, I decided to practice a few of my yoga poses seems how classes just don't seem to exist in the Big Island.

Balance. Breathe. Breathe. Is that a turtle I see in the water?

Focus Lisa. Rocks in my hand. Steinlager affecting my balance. Breathe. Breathe.

I think I got it!

 After almost falling off my mini cliff, I finally achieved a semi-quasi yoga pose. It was quite difficult to stay focused with all the turtles swimming below me. After a mini workout, I was ready to go back to my beach mat.

Yep, pretty sure I scared away all the wild life with my shrill scream. There is nothing about a reptile gently brushing your abs that is appealing. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

But, in no time, I was forced to overcome my shadows and hold Ms Myrtle, the Turtle.

Shadows. No stopping them. No hiding from them. No running from them.

Next on the agenda was an hour drive to a night of camping ocean side. Something a girl from ND thinks about, dreams about. A few pictures in preparation for this.

I had packed as if I was going camping in ND: sweats, long sleeves, gloves, sleeping bags, blankets, toilet paper, flashlights, a cooler packed with beverages. I was certain we were gonna be out in the middle of nowhere in pure darkness surrounded only by the chirping frogs and the blackness of their shadows. Hawaii has made me realize I am scared of the dark. It gets so dark here you can't even see your had in front of your face. And with geckos and frogs creeping around...do you blame me?

Instead, I found myself surrounded by pure beauty. The sun getting ready to settle in the sky, the waves calmly sweeping away the shadows of my fellow campers, the sky looking much like a watercolor painting masterpiece, the smell of hamburgers on the grill, camp fires smoldering, and a complete and utter feeling of tranquility. Maybe it was from the Steinlagers, maybe the yoga, but I think more so from the scene in front of me. Take a look and tell me what you think.

Distracted was an understatement. While I was busy filling up my camera's SCD card, I'm sure Charlie was biting his lip, grumbling about being stuck with all the work. It takes a patient person to take me camping, as I can't read a map, follow directions, or pitch a tent. Basically I am good for conversation and pictures. I'm thinking those that keep taking me along on these road trips must not mind too much...

Tee Hee.

As night fell, the shadows of my past surfaced. I had come prepared to be up all night itching and twitching. All I could remember about my past experiences camping were the bugs attacking me and either sweating to death or freezing to death. It was a pleasant surprise, when none of the above happened. Instead it was the most peaceful setting I have ever been in. Who needed a Pandora when I had the live version of the ocean waves brushing the shore? The moonlight was like a perfect candle in the wind; allowing enough light to see the rolling of the waves, but enough darkness to watch the glowing stars. Enough to see the shadows of the waves leaving the shore.

Shadows. Their presence is everywhere. Flickering. Quivering. Radiating. Diffusing. Scattering.

Again, I had goosebumps. Much like a soft breeze blowing gently on sunburned skin. There's no stopping them. Hiding from them. But this time, they were comfortable. Pleasant. Welcomed.

After a peaceful night of sleep, a grilled breakfast, scanning the shores for sea shells, and packing up, it was on to the City of Refuge.

Must have tested the patience just a tad??

 The City of Refuge. A beautiful walk. A tourist attraction. Worth seeing, but not worth all the hype. Funny how that goes sometimes. Regardless, I am happy we went.

All which finally brings me to my main point: Shadows. Their presence is undeniable. Kind of like fingerprints. They are everywhere. Impossible to escape. The faster you try to run away from them, the closer they cling. We all have them. Funny how they can seem like "skeletons in your closet." Memories we are trying to desperately to escape or hide from until we finally face them. 

However, my time in Hawaii has taught me to view life in a different perspective. A much simpler, slower one at that. Shadows are also what create and sustain life. After all, shadows are what allow many of the flowers in the Islands to grow. They also shield us pale skinned mainlanders from sunburns and wrinkles. They allow plants to grow in the cracks of lava rock. They allow turtles to sunbathe. They create rainbows. They instigate memories.

Shadows... now seem to have a hint of serendipity to them....

However, as I sit here and write this, I am lost in thought about shadows? Can the shadows of our past prevent us from our futures? Can they be so difficult to overcome that we miss the rainbow?

I don't have the answers yet, but I am hoping by the time I leave Hawaii I do. This is yet another time, being alone, on the road, is difficult. I need my girlfriends right now to help me with the shadows of the my past, my present, and my future.

Shadows...

...their presence is everywhere. Over me. Under me. Beside me. Behind me. In front of me. Upon me. Within me.

Flickering. Quivering. Radiating. Diffusing. Scattering. Flickering. On my wall. On my skin. In my mind. In my heart.

All give me goosebumps much like a soft breeze does on freshly sunburned skin. Uncomfortable, unpleasant, yet there's no stopping them.  Hiding from them. Running from them.

Again, I have goosebumps. Much like a soft breeze blowing gently on sunburned skin. There's no stopping them. Hiding from them. Running from them. But this time, they are comfortable. Pleasant. Welcomed.

Tonight: Ponder your shadows. Make them on the wall. And help me figure out mine.

As yours truly.... is lost in the shadows.