"Devolviendo"

"Giving back."

Devolviendo. .. sounds prettier in Spanish.

Something I need to do more of. Something we all need to do more of. Something I have always wanted to do, but have never been sure where to start. Where to go? What to do? Who to contact? I have always wanted to do something big. Something out of the ordinary. Something where I can feel good about helping someone who is truly in need of my presence, my knowledge, my skills, my touch. A place where I could not only go to donate my time and service, but also find God and myself in the process. A place of sanctuary found purely in the act of doing good onto others. As I stare into the mirror lost in thought and a dream, I glance at the clock and am immediately torn from my desire of giving back as I realize I am going to be late if I don't get a move on it. And just like that, I am swept into the ND wind, back to reality, back to fighting the never ending battle of not enough time, back to the chronic excuse of being "too busy" or "too tired" to be involved in anything outside my daily work/social life.

Devolviendo. "Giving back"

I have to admit, I have had several deja vu moments where I long to give back, but am quickly deterred for various reasons, with all of these falling into one 'cop out' category: EXCUSES: I can't get work off, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough time, I'd rather go on vacation, I don't have any 'skills', I am not good at anything, I already help enough people by being a nurse (terrible to say, but the thought does cross my mind) and my personal favorite: yearning, longing, begging to feel a PURPOSE in my time spent volunteering. I want to FEEL empowered; as if I am accomplishing a goal at hand and truly impacting an individual less fortunate than myself. Is this possible? Am I being selfish? Maybe.... Am I being unrealistic?? Perhaps...but, I think not.

Devolviendo. 

As I sit here dusting off the pictures looking at me on my fireplace mantle, I can't help but be distracted by the beauty staring back at me. Admiring all the beautiful places I have been, blessed with all the wonderful people in my life, as my eyes well up with tears. Which causes me once again to ponder my purpose in this life.  Having thought I would have been a wife and mother a long time ago, I can't help but feel a bit selfish. Ashamed. Life right now consists of me, my job, and free time. I want more. I crave more. I NEED more. As I continue to dust like I never have never dusted before, I vowed to stop making excuses and start making a conscious effort to change. It's funny how much excuses and dust have in common: they both tend to pile up over time; if we don't consciously make an effort notice them, acknowledge them, and wipe them clean, we may never see that shine that makes our stomach giddy and our hearts tingle. A cleaner's delight; a traveler's dream; A volunteer's ambition.

Devolviendo.

I have always been a believer in life gives us what we need when we need it most... as long as we stop and take the time to notice it. They also say, when you set out to help yourself or find yourself, sometimes, you end up helping everyone else...

Enter Dr Bob Brunsvold. One of those kind-hearted, generous, warm, friendly people, that once you meet, you never forget. The kind of person that inspires you to be a better person, a kinder person, a happier person, a more grateful person. The kind of person I hope to be someday.

Dr Bob: An anesthesiologist that filled in when our main Dr needed time off. I met Dr Bob while working at a nursing job I quite hated, to be completely honest with you, I despised it. But, had I never worked that job I dreaded going to every day, I would have never met Dr Bob. And had I never met Dr Bob, I would not be able to experience this incredible journey I am about to embark on.

Our Fearless Leaders: Dr Bob and his wife, Vicky

Enter SALTS.

"Saving A Life Through Service." SALTS.

A team led missionary trip to Shell, Ecuador, where me, along with 30 or so college students, will offer our services to:

Casa De Fe: A haven for abandoned and special needs children in the heart of the Amazon.  Basically a home for the "unwanted children of the rain forest." To put it bluntly: an orphange.

Casa Gabriel and Casa Adalia: a home for street boys and girls rescued from the sex trade.

La Clinica San Lorenzo: provide medications and assist in the operations of the local health clinic.

Construction: building a village for the children of Casa De Fe

Devolviendo.

I'm not going to lie, I found myself to be, and still am, a mixture of emotions. While I have done my fair share of traveling, even going alone, I have never done something like this before, in this type of setting. The idea is not to go out and seek fun and beauty, but to work and take care of the needs of those surrounding you. Quite the opposite of a typical American Vacation. Although, I have pondered more than I care to admit about volunteering abroad and satisfying my need to travel while serving a purpose. Why wouldn't I? It's kind of like killing two birds with one stone. That, and I have always wanted to go to South America. Perfect!! So when I received that email asking if I wanted to be a part of Team Ecuador, without even thinking, I immediately wrote out my $300 deposit to secure my spot and hand delivered it to Dr Brunsvold's Lake Cabin. That was it. I was "in". Now here I sit, excited, nervous, scared, wondering if I have what it takes to be a part of a missionary??

Enter "Team Leader" aka Me, Lisa Marie Neshem

What?!! I'm not a leader. I can't even read a map, much less direct people on where to go, what to do. Again, I have done a little traveling, but this is going to be a whole new ballgame for me. I actually have to be responsible. Have a plan. Be on a schedule. Be the support for my younger 'colleagues' when the going gets tough or the homesickness sets in. Pick them up when they are down, turn that frown upside down. I have always found joy in the whole randomness of exploration, but this time, I know WHAT we are going to be doing. WHERE we are going. WHO I will be going with. I already know the WHO, the WHAT, the WHEN, and the WHERE which is highly unusual for me. While most find comfort in this, I feel uneasy, almost suffocated. I am going to be one of the oldest people there. Am I responsible enough? Am I going to get homesick? Can I hack it? But people I barely know believe in me... and that, in itself is hopefully enough to get me through. However, I am not gonna lie... I am scared shitless!

Devolviendo.

Which leads me to my next point. I swear a lot, an issue I am currently working on. Wish me luck. But can I survive Bible/missionary "boot camp"?? As they say... time will tell.

I have to be honest, religion is an uneasy topic for me. This will definitely be me stepping out of my comfort zone. While I believe in God, I just have never been able to find that connection I long for with the church. Where I feel at home. At peace. At ease. I always feel a bit out of place. A bit awkward. A bit "evil" compared to the other worshipers. I cuss, I swear, I've been 'bad', I drink more than my fair share of wine, I have done things in the past I am not proud of. I am tone deaf. We will be singing hymns and praying daily. I am not certain Mission Ecuador will fix my tone deafness, but I can pray it will lead me in the direction to find God, peace, and my purpose in life.

  
Enter YOU. My family and friends...

The older I get, the more I realize we all need to ask for help; which is a hard thing to do, as it tends to be a sign of weakness. A deficit. Maybe even defeat.  But as I grow a year older, I also have grown a little wiser. This is me going outside my comfort zone, being vulnerable, and setting out to make a difference ... maybe even a change someone's life. I am smart enough to know I am going to need support. Change is never easy, but I have learned, is always worth the discomfort. And this is where I am asking all of you for your help and support; not only for me, but for the amazing people of Ecuador I am about to meet.

Devolviendo.

As we enter the holiday season, I am asking for help, which tends to be a difficult thing for me to do. I am seeking your donation to help fund my trip, but more importantly, to change the lives of the children we are about to meet. The mission trip is from Feb 19-March 1st and costs about $2000 for airfare, room and board, immunizations, exit visas, and travel within Ecuador. Any donation you can afford, no matter how big or small, would be greatly appreciated and would allow me to fulfill a dream of "giving back" to those who are less fortunate. And I can't help but think I will return as stronger, better version of myself. I promise you, I will use my better self to make a better world. And I can assure you I will write about it and share it right here.

If you are able to support me in this mission, I will be forever grateful. (the money will go directly into Lisa Neshem's fund for Ecuador... Dr Bob is handling all the finances personally) please send your donation to:

SALTS, INC
15507 Wermager Beach Road
Lake Park, MN 56554-9129

EC: Lisa Neshem

SALTS is a nonprofit organization run by Dr Bob and his wife, Vicky.

For more information about this wonderful organization, please visit www.saltsmission.org

Devolviendo.

Help me... Help Them.