Words I would use to describe my Mother, who I often call in times of need, frustration, anger, and happiness. She is my rock, my foundation. The person who holds the family together. The one who made sure we always made it to school on time, had our homework done, made it to church every Sunday, had Halloween costumes and Valentine boxes, she was the ride to and from practices, the one to help with science projects and reading play scripts, the caretaker when we fell sick... The most selfless, kindhearted, giving person I know. Not sure how I got blessed enough to be her daughter, sometimes in life, we are lucky enough to be dealt a winning hand.
Still to this day, she is the one I call for advice, support, or just to vent, offering advice on everything from relationship struggles to buying my first house. I don't know where I'd be without her. Thank you, Mom!!
No matter how resistant I was to 'the rules' or begged to stay in town at a friend's house, my Mom never seemed to show an ounce of weakness. Regardless of how rude and mean a teenager can be, she was like GRANITE.
Durable. Unbreakable. Strong. Resistant.
It's funny how in life, when we were young, we viewed our parents indestructable. Powerful. As if they weren't allowed to have a bad day or a 'breakdown.' I can think of very few times, if any, that I saw my Mom break down and cry. Now having two sisters and many friends that are parents themselves, it's interesting to hear their stories of frustrations, not knowing what to do or where to turn at times, desperately seeking advice from others, and having moments where they do break down and cry, while portraying the strong, unbreakable role of Mom and Dad.
Taking things for...
GRANTED... Soft. Fragile. Breakable. Delicate.
The 0600 alarm beeping, the sun coming up and going down, going to work, friends, family, vacations, our health, our Moms, our Dads...
After almost a year and a half being back home, I found myself feeling down and bummed out on life as my Asics pounded the pavement to Nickelback's song, "If Today Were your Last Day." Having moved home from Hawaii a year ago, employed as a permanent nurse instead of a travel nurse, a homeowner instead of a renter, life was not at all how I pictured it when I decided to 'settle' down. My dating life resembles that of a natural disaster: strong emotion with long lasting heartache. Being husbandless and childless has really hit me hard since returning to Fargo. Especially since both of my sisters and many of my friends have had babies in the last year. I've had moments where I feel like the yellow starburst of the package. You know, the one that nobody wants until that's all that's left? The one that gets pushed aside, thrown away, forgotten about. Ha! Funny, but sadly has a hint of truth to it. So as Nickelbacks words pushed me into mile 3: Oh heck, you might as well take a listen with me: you never know, you just may end up booking that ticket to somewhere wonderful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXIQQ8PeRs
"If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?"
The more I listened to the words, the more I turned the volume up. The harder I thought about the message, the faster I ran, the more I thought: What if today were my last day? Would I be content with my life as I know it? Would my family know how much I love them? The questions came pouring in like a class V rapid. And I knew life was about to change... for the better.
With Nickelback's words ringing in my head,
"So do whatever it takes,
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way,
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side."
I decided to move forward with my decision.
When somethings meant to be, it's fascinating how things just fall into place. I went to work the next day and decided I was going to break the news to my boss. (not an easy task, as she is probably one of the most intimidating people I know.) I took a deep breath, told myself I was not crazy, and entered her office. Who was I kidding? I was as nervous as I was the day I took my nursing boards as well as completely oblivious to what the outcome was going to be. With sweaty palms and my heart racing, I laid it all out on the table.
"It's been a dream of mine to back pack Europe. I've been given the opportunity to go to Europe for 5 weeks and I've decided I am going to take it, (as my heart is beating faster and my entire body has broken out in a nervous sweat) So, I am wondering what my options are: Do I need to put my notice in? Can I go PRN? Or can I take a leave of absence?" Followed by the world's longest, awkward silence. The silence I swear went on for an eternity, while my mind raced at the thought of being unemployed.
The room fell so silent, it sounded as though my heart beat were on speaker phone. After a long, delayed silence and a day of deciding, my boss granted me a LEAVE OF ABSENCE!! In disbelief, I asked her to repeat what she said and the proceeded to almost faint! Yeeee!! I was going to Europe!!!
From there, everything fell into place as if it were meant to be. Most people were quite supportive, while others thought I was completely insane. Doing my best to avoid the nay-sayers, I found myself to be a jumbled ball of emotions: nervous, excited, on top the world. 35 days? What if I get homesick? What if I can't 'hack it' for that long? Can I survive the hostel life?.... Through my journey, I knew I would discover all the answers to my burning questions and learn more than what I ever thought possible. And I did just that.
Life's too short to be mad, sad, or down in the dumps. We all need to stop taking life for 'granite'. (Treating it like it's unbreakable. Strong. Durable.) and start viewing it like we did when we were kids. Do you remember what it was like to be so excited for the day to start, to go to school and see your friends, or sit in science class next to your crush, or the anticipation of the big game? The days where you couldn't sleep because you were so excited? I miss that. I crave that. I need that. Perhaps I shall start living like that...
Having said that, some words I think we should all learn to live by.
If an opportunity presents itself, TAKE it. If you can dream it, you can do it.
And that is exactly what my next several entries will entail taken directly from the journal I wrote while abroad. So get comfy, grab a seat, and take a walk in my shoes with me during the ups and downs of my journey. I'm confident it will bring to tears of laughter and maybe even bring you tears of hope.
Life
is a gift. Cherish it. Embrace it. Live it. And never take the people
you care about most for 'granite' as we never know what tomorrow may
bring.
Granite: durable, unbreakable, strong, resistant.
Granted: soft, fragile, breakable, delicate.
At the end of writing this, I attempted to make a list. I put granite on the left hand side of my paper and granted on the other. Lets just say, one side is completely empty while the other ran out of space. I'll let you ponder which is which.
Tonight: Ponder where you stand on my 'granite' vs 'granted' debate. Make a list. Check it twice. I bet you pick up the phone and call someone you love. I know I did.
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